Can't do it anymore
by zinthafan
Summary: After New Moon, Bella decides that she can't have this relationship with Edward anymore, despite what they went through, and so she breaks up with him. Edward is broken however, and his heart is lost. And Bella, her reason: she doesn't even know.
1. What's lost is lost

**Memo: Ohmigod, I can't believe I'm doing another fanfic when I'm already booked with all my other ones…lol**

**I hate these spur of the moment feelings and I wish I could stop myself from doing this- and then I'll regret it right after I post it, but whatever**

**Note: This is my fanfic, in other word's- please don't criticize that you don't like the idea or that you don't think it would happen- it's very much possible and you guys know it!!- but just don't like that option!**

**Disclaimer: Anyone whose read my stories knows I'm not that fond of these, lol**

**Edward's View-**

"I love you Bella," I said to her, as I dropped her off at her porch and then turned around, not waiting for a response, to my car. She hadn't been communicating to me at all. Her face seemed to lose all color drastically, her eyes bruised with purple sketches from troublesome nights sleep- one's she wouldn't allow me to attend anymore, and her expression had become sullen, yet silent.

She didn't talk to me anymore- although she seemed to everyone else. She would perk up when someone else came up, happy to walk away from me. I didn't understand what was going on with her, and nor did I ask- my presence seemed to only irritate her.

I sensed that she wanted me to leave as well- although I wasn't so fond of that idea myself, I wanted her to tell me personally before I acted any different. She wasn't speaking though, and I had learned to control my temper around her now- for some unapparent reason to me I had stopped arguing with her. She was scaring me for the past week. All our conversations were shorter, the "I love you" only coming from me now, and the hello's as well, good byes were actually the only thing she now said.

I heard Charlie's thoughts over it as well. He thought I was leaving her again…something about lifeless all over again apparently. I didn't want to ask.

"Edward," her voice rang in the background for the first time, and I froze- it was soft and gentle when carried by the wind. I was over exuberant, not letting my happiness at this show however. Her face had begun to reflect little to nothing only about a month after the Volturi incident.

"Yes?" I asked, and turned to look at her when I was leaving. I was hoping more than anything that the fear I had built up inside me would leave, but apparently it refused to. Every day instead, it only grew in alarmingly large portions.

"I need to talk to you," she declared. "It's important."

"What is it?" I asked, exuberant to what she had to say. She wasn't telling me what had been bothering her, causing her to look so distant in the past few days- week actually.

"I think we should take a walk," she said, and began to stroll my way. Her arms blocking the rain from hitting her face- hiding her eyes I noticed.

"It's raining," I exclaimed. I thought she had hated the rain…

"Do you mind then?" she asked. "It's important. It won't take long, I swear."

"I don't mind," I answered hesitantly. "But I don't know- what if you catch a cold?" I didn't want to say what was really bothering me though, what if Charlie came back? Then she would go back home, and I wouldn't get this opportunity to talk to her again.

"Allright," she answered, and began to lead the path to the trail.

"Well Edward," she slurred, "I need you to understand something. I, well Edward I-" and then she suddenly stopped, and I noticed I was at the exact spot where I had left her…

"I don't think I can do this anymore Edward. I love you I guess-" she tried helplessly- "but I suppose that was then and this is now Edward. You've broken me too much Edward. And I can't live like that, forever in deceit and forever in constant lies. I-"

"You guess?" I murmured, shocked by what I had just heard. "And constant lies?"

"Well," she tried again, biting her lip, her eyes rolled up and looking for some help. "I don't think we should be together anymore. Or at least take a break, at least for a while," she tried again. "And for the lying part- I know you don't do that anymore, but I'm never sure anymore Edward- this time I've spent with you has only brought up doubts. I-"

"Is this because of Jacob?" I asked silently. Surely, I thought, he had been planting doubts in her mind…surely he…

"I realized Edward that I'm just undecisive right now. I don't believe those feelings should ever be in a relationship and I think we should end this right now. You damaged me without repair- and I suppose I'm better now. But how much longer before you leave me again? Before I actually _do _accept that proposal and you shadow away? Before I'm changed and you decide I'm too boring and decide to leave?"

"Bella-" I began, shocked. I couldn't believe she was thinking this way. "I would never-"

"Just save it for someone who cares," she retorted. "It's over. It's for the best too Edward, we were never meant to be. A vampire and a damsel in distress- never worked out, nor will it ever work out. I don't believe I'm meant to be with you Edward Cullen, and I don't believe I deserve you. You for one thing, are this divine, wonderful, far more deser-"

"Bella!" I tried again, the tone of shock in my voice I knew could not be concealed by anything I did or tried. "What happened to your epiphany?"

"It died," she shrugged simply. "It-"

"No," I roared, the courage in me finally building up. "You were silent for SO long and you didn't tell me anything, and now when I finally am talking to you, you want to LEAVE me- so what Bella? So that you can go back to the real person you love, Jacob Black? I know I promised I would leave if you asked me to- but of all things, like _this _Bella? You want me to leave you because you think I'm too good for you? That I'm going to leave you? Have you even paid attention to anything I've said to you before Bella," I asked, grabbing her by the face, "I love you more than anything. I'll never leave you Bella. I'll always be by you. I-"

"Cut the bullshit Edward," her tone hardened. "I don't swear Edward- I don't think I really ever even have, but this really is some serious. I don't want it to be like this. I-"

"Bella," I exclaimed, and brought her face to mine and kissed her. She wasn't kissing back though…and when I pulled back I only saw that she had a very amused note hanging in her eyes. "Did you feel anything?"

"No Edward, and if you'll let me explain you'll understand why," she smiled looking at me annoyed. I'd never seen that type of expression with her before- one such hardened as well. "You caused me hurt once Edward Cullen, and now I'm going to return the favor. It's break up time again, and this time there's no getting back."

"But..but," I stuttered. "I thought you-"

"I did at one point I suppose," she pondered. "And I suppose you do too. But this time it's your turn to get your heart broken. It's my time to live. You ruined my life and so I'm going to ruin yours. I don't love you. It's as simple as that."

"You what?" I asked, sure I'd heard the last words wrong…

"I don't love you Edward. Now please go. I'm already all wet and Charlie will be home any minute. I-"

But I left her there, talking to herself.

I left myself there as well- again.

First time true love is lost, the person finds themselves lost; confused. Second time, they find it hard to recover- almost impossible. Once true love would leave- this person would be next to dead.

James used the first one up. The second time I had used up.

While the whole concept of girls being more attached then guys ever were was a false accusation. What she never seemed to understand when we were together- _were_ I noticed- was how much I cared about her. And now I knew I would never be able to show it to her.

_Third time though, _I knew, _that third time came, and the person would die. Forever._

_Bella had taken the third time from me._

I found that my heart was lost as I was running, and what's lost is lost. Merely…gone.

**NOTE: I WANT to have Bella leave Edward- sorry, but I really believe that someone needs this. PLEASE don't criticize this idea basically that you don't think Edward would leave Bella, give me something MORE than just that!! I probably will change my mind…but oh well. I just believe that the idea is hard to grasp- since Bella dESERVES a chance to live…and by the way this is NOT the sequel to "It's your fault" if anyone was curious.**

**REMEMBER- You HAVEN'T heard Bella's side yet. And so it's NOT out of character because you're USED to Bella's side, and that'll probably be next chapter!!**

**Oh well, tell me what you think- seriously- I have no idea what to do after this, whether to split them up completely or have them together again or keep them apart, this is NOT a oneshot probably, and I have no intention of making it one either- I know these ideas are usually perceived as one, but seriously REVIEW!!**

**TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!**


	2. The past

**Memo: I've got to say that I'm really disappointed by some of the reviews I got- especially some of the anonymous ones. The points they brought up I wasn't able to address them directly, and so I'm going to do it here.

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**The following review was my favorite:**

annoyed person  
2006-10-23

this chapter was crap. you're using the same characters but the only thing that is the same is their names. they might as well be different people, bella was never and never will be that insensitive. u are a horroble writer

**Oh annoyed person, you've definitely made my day you know. The same characters, you're right- I do have them. But about Bella? Did you even READ the note at the end? You DON'T know her point of view- and so how do you know she's insensitive? She's putting up a front, just like our beloved Cullen did in New Moon. You've read that book now, haven't you?**

**Oh, and yeah- my theory on you is that you're already a user but too ashamed to put your name on here. Is that true? I wasn't able to ask you this directly because you were anonymous, but don't insult my writing. 2000 words shouldn't make me horrible and insensitive just yet.

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**And to all you guys who believed she was out of character, the main thing is you DON'T have her point of view just yet. I know I shouldn't reply to reviews on here, but unless they really go against me like my favoritest little review up there, don't worry. I'll have why she left here.

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**And most of all, I'd like to thank everyone who accepted this story for how it is!! There are a few of you actually who've added it to your favorites and alerts, and I'd like to thank you guys the most because you aren't against new concepts.**

**I'd also like to thank everyone who reviewed- they were each taken into account and replied to (if not anonymous). I appreciate it!! (So, very, very much!, lol)**

**Disclaimer: Nada

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**Bella's View-**

I watched him blankly as he sped away. Sighing, I stepped back into the house, and closed the door behind me. He wasn't welcome here anymore. I knew he wouldn't come back either. He knew it was for the best.

Shaking my head bitterly and fighting against the tears, I took off my jacket and hung it- my hands too numb to even completely close the closet door. Even in Forks for about two years, I still wasn't used to the rain.

Making my way to the living room, I turned on the fireplace; sitting down and rubbing my hands- I could barely feel them. I almost laughed, clenching my teeth reflexively. I felt a tear slide down my cheek, and wiped it away instantly.

He wasn't worth tears. Not anymore. _He's part of the past, _I reminded myself.

Ever since he had come back, I had been watching everything I was doing around him. Especially since the Charlie incident- my motorcycle brigade apparently almost got me grounded for a few years…

After what had happened when I had almost hugged Jacob, Edward had been cautiously watching me. He believed that I was leaving him for Jacob- apparently what I had said to Jake once if he only gave me time, had not gone unnoticed as I had hoped through Edward.

Edward was always by me, I had realized, and always telling me what to do. And I listened- doing whatever he asked, giving in instantly; the only exception to this the marriage proposal.

I had finally realized that I gave into everything he asked, my own state of mind had seemed to disappear. I was always the damsel in distress; and probably would still be even _if _I was a vampire. He'd always be saving me.

And through this, I knew I had to leave. End it before it was too late, since there was only so much I could take. Edward had been my everything; _was _my everything, and I knew I couldn't live like this.

I knew I couldn't leave my family now. Charlie had been losing whatever he had left, always thanking me and watching me now that he was at home so often. I had found out the only reason he maintained any version of sanity when Renee had left was because of fishing- Harry Clearwater's death had cost us a lot.

Renee believed she was pregnant, for another tidbit. Phil was freaking out, he didn't know how to take care of either her; or the baby. He was trying though, really hard to help raise money- I believe he's on the verge of getting a steady job. His life long passion for baseball he's giving up now.

I couldn't leave my little brother or sister alone- I didn't know how Phil would be like a father since I knew to support the child he'd always be working, and Renee _I _had taken care of while growing up. I didn't believe this role could be reversed vice-versa either.

That, sad enough how it was, barely counted up to a fraction to why I wouldn't leave. I knew now why he had always insisted on ending this, knowing from the start that this was a bad idea. And I'd been too persistant as well, always nagging him to let it keep on going.

I felt another tear. And another. I didn't bother wiping away these ones.

_He's of the past, _I told myself, _Look towards the future. _

_It's for the best, _I tried again. _It'll make him happy Bella, and that's all that matters. It'll make you happy too- you can't ruin his life this way. You're a pest Bella, an unwelcome pest in their lives who'll only complicate it. You'll never fit in._

Telling myself these lines is what helped me break up with him in the first place. I couldn't live with myself like this, always depending on someone. I hadn't been raised this way. I _was _the caretaker, _not_ the dependant one.

I knew I'd only add complications, to everyone. My utter selfishness I had learned better of since that day…it had changed everything.

I heard the door creak open at that point, and I nearly jumped. Charlie was back. Wiping away my tears on my sleeve, I forced myself to forget it. _He's of the past, _I reminded myself. _You have to look towards the future. It's for the best. For both of you. _

"Hey Bella," I heard Charlie's voice sigh when he saw me in the house. He look relieved, as though I was going to leave him again. According to Edward, I was the only thing that mattered to him now…

"Hey Dad,' I replied, turning my head to smile at him briefly. I didn't want him to see me like this. I was the caretaker I knew- always would be one- and not the dependant. I didn't want to bother others…I was too much of a burdeon on my self already. "How was work?" I asked.

"Good as usual Bells," he sighed. "I'm happy you're home. Do you have any plans tonight?"

"Nope,' I shook my head, smiling to myself. "I'm just going to stay home. What about you?"

"Staying home Bells, just as usual," he sighed, and I knew he was smiling despite himself. "You want to watch a game with me? It's the Mariners again?" Besides his question, I could hear the plea between his words.

"Sure Dad," I answered, and got up.

The lines had finally sunk in.

Edward was of the past. I had at last realized that this was for the best- not just for my family, but for me as well. I couldn't create a burdon now could I? Not again.

I was determined not to be a problem anymore.

Not for him.

Not for me.

Not for us.

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**Note: She knows its for the best because it can never work out. She believes in that, and pretty strongly too. She doesn't want to create a problem and so that's why she's like this. **

**Tell me if you don't understand. I'll try to clear it up as much as I can.**

**Now tell me what you want me to put in, if you have suggestions, comments, if you liked it or not, and so forth**

**Please no flaming!!

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**Thanks for reading, and PLEASE review!!**


	3. Lost it

**Memo: Hey!!- I know I haven't posted in awhile, and quite a few people have asked me when I would- so here it is!!**

**Note: Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it, to thank you guys for reviewing- I'm posting today!!**

**BELLA NOTE: There's a reason Bella's kind of out of character, and this reason is because we've only seen _some _of her, and all we've seen of her- it's all been trapped in this one little heap, all revolving around the damsel in distress. So this has her breaking free- breaking free from his hold, realizing that there's more in life than just what she sees. Realizing that she's human, and that she has to be this way. She's now that girl again that we never got to see, never got to meet in Twilight who was only there for less than a two chapters before getting completely obsessed-**

**So please tell me what you think of it!!**

**Disclaimer: Bah!!

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**Bella's View-

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"So where's Edward nowadays Bells," Charlie asked me to distract himself from the commercial break showing a bucket of salmon- everyone loved Salmon, and moving here, I had found out that they practically worshiped it too (**They seriously do, I lived there!!)** all around Washington- being plucked from a local river, and then being brought to some restaurant where it showed some girl frying them.

"Oh," I shrugged, my back turned to him to hide my reaction at his question, "he's left for a bit, should be back soon enough. Why?" I asked, suspicious.

"Just checking,' he grinned, "after what happened last time to you, need to know if he's still around," Charlie joked uneasily.

"Ha-ha,' I gritted my teeth, that was _not _funny. I wonder what would happen if he found out that he was right?

"A father needs to check," he defended himself.

"I'm fine," I rolled my eyes, suddenly remembering something. "Can we go to Jacksonville for awhile, just to visit Renee you know?"

"Jacksonville?" he asked, irked by my request. I laughed at his expression, he was figuring this out faster then I had expected!

"Don't worry Dad," I grinned, "I'm not quitting bugging you just yet. I'll be here forever and there's nothing you can do about it," I jeered, and then added. "Unless of course, you want to move to Jacksonville?"

"Jacksonville?" he asked taken aback, shocked by my request. "Why ever would I do that?"

I clenched my fist at his question, why wasn't he getting it? I wanted to ask.

"It would be a good change," I shrugged, showing that it wouldn't be any big deal. "It would be a nice change too, since you've been living in this town for what?- the past 80 years or whatever now haven't you?"

"I'm not quite that old just yet Bella," he laughed, his voice reverbrating throughout the room falsely after a few seconds, suspicious. I knew though that this needed to happen to convince him that I was serious- and I was ready for what was to happen next. "What about Edward though?"

"We can't be together forever," I scoffed at his suggestion, wishing very much that it would have been true, "you can't just believe that I would forgive him so easily for how he left, now would I?"

"Bella," he paled, noticing my joking tone- knowing it wouldn't last long, "are you going to break up with him?"

"Yeah," I sighed, taking this opportunity to my advantage. "And I really need to go away, you know Dad? I don't want the same thing to happen as it did last time," I shuddered for him.

"Why don't you go to Jacksonville by yourself then?" he asked, taken aback.

"I can't just _leave _you here now Dad, can I? After Harry, you haven't been doing anything, and Renee could really use your support with Phil always at games and stuff," I suggested lightly, knowing he'd probably take any chance to meet Renee again. "I can only be of some help of course you know, I've never really handled infants now have I, and neither has Phil so he can't object."

"Bella," he looked shocked, "I can't do that, what would your Mom say?"

"She wouldn't mind of course, since she needs all the help she can get it for she-" I ignored his "I'll say" as I continued on- "struggled enough with me, you know?? And even that was eighteen years ago..."I trailed off.

"How long are you suggesting Bella?" he asked, curious as his eyes flickered back to the television.

Relief flooded through me as he did this, for he was actually accepting it! "And," I wanted so badly to shout to him, to make him understand that "Edward" would never happen again- "I'll be f_ree_ Dad, don't you understand? I _won't _ever have what he did to me ever happen again because he'll be over _2000 _miles away!! And of course, he can't really stay in the sun either," I wanted to cheer. To laugh, to have this all behind me.

I wanted to run, to shout, to tell the whole world that I was _m_e once again, that I _wouldn't _ruin someone else's life, that I _wasn't _the damsel in distress- that I could take care of myself. That I could run my own life, that I wouldn't destroy the only person I ever cared about-

That I wouldn't make him spend eternity- however long that may be- with a pathetic little girl who could barely breathe in front of him, who always found herself in trouble, and who always seemed to hurt him-

Who would run in front of him and hug someone else, ignoring his own feelings, and playing with jealousy-

I wanted to say to him, to see him one more time, and tell him that I was sorry. Sorry for playing with him for so long. Sorry for giving him hopes and senseless thoughts, distracting him from the one person he was _truly _supposed to be with- one who couldn't be me. Sorry for having him almost lose his life for me. Sorry for having him love me-

Sorry for knowing that I would destroy whatever happiness he once had.

Sorry for knowing that I would destroy whatever happiness everyone he loved had.

Sorry for knowing that I destroyed everything-

for it wasn't just me physically, I knew, that was a clutz- it was also mentally.

I could trip, and destroy everything people had made for themselves, for others- for me.

I could trip, I knew, and start crying, which I was about to now.

For that though, I knew, I was also sorry.

Sorry for knowing that I would destroy whatever plans I had made to leave Forks altogether by _crying, _over the _past _that never should have happened.

"I'll tell you in two minutes," I muttered then, turning my head as I excused myself to go to the bathroom.

It was in the bathroom where I broke down, barely making it to the door.

It was here that I knew I couldn't live this way, by seeing something so amazing, by living through it, by _experiencing _it.

Life was cruel, I knew, showing me something, letting me experience it for what seemed like forever, and then snatching it from under me, showing me that it wasn't meant for me. This pleaure, this hapiness, this exuberant feeling I had with him, it shouldn't have existed.

Not if it was doing to me what it was doing now.

Not if it was doing to him what it was doing to me now.

But of course it shouldn't be doing anything to him now, he who should be rejoicing. Laughing and cheering with his family that I was finally gone. A would be nuisance, distraction, destruction.

It wouldn't be doing to him what it was doing to me now.

He wouldn't be balled up against the wall, not being able to breathe, not being able to move or see or hear.

He wouldn't have to be with me, to see all of this.

He could be free.

He wouldn't be crying either- as I wasn't. I wasn't able to, for that part of me had long left me- tears were something I could only wish for.

Keeping track of time was also something I should have been able to wish for though-

since Charlie came to the door at that point, banging hard and asking if everything was allright.

I wasn't able to answer.

I couldn't move.

If this was for the best I knew, I should've screwn it.

Should have sought after what I had wanted the most, _needed _the most- him.

"I'm fine Dad," I barked, getting up from my position and finally facing the mirror within moments, pulling out emergency concealor to cover up my expression.

He wouldn't be able to see.

Since it was at then I remembered what I was doing this for- him.

And I couldn't screw up at this time, after I'd come so far, now could I?

Stashing and hiding the concealor back into place, I smiled and pulled open the door.

"How does a few months sound to you?" I asked, grinning.

"You've been in the bathroom for the past half hour and you come up with that?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Of course not," I titter, stalling him. "What if we move Dad, and I mean- just away to California for a bit- we need a break after all, now don't we?"

"What are you running from Bella?" he asked, startled.

"Why would I be running?" I hide my face, hiding a smile behind my sleeve- a point of hysteria approaching.

"It always catches you Bella, no matter where you run or where you hide, it'll always find you,' he warned, guessing at my game.

I just laughed.

"I'm serious Bella," he said, "it will, and I probably won't be there when it does."

I just laughed again.

"To answer your question then," he said, amused, "yes. We can go to Jacksonville for a few months and then to California, if that's what you want of course."

"Why are you agreeing?" I asked, still tittering.

"I won't see what happened to you once happen again Bella," he said seriously, shaking his finger as it was a stick in a tree, I thought- pondering on how a never ending lecture with Angelina Jolie's lips would look on it; and without ears too of course, he never seemed to understand!

I squealed in delight from the image I had created- Micheal Jackson!!

"It'll catch up to you Bella," he warned one last time before moving, 'and I won't be there to stop it."

"Of course you will Daddy," I giggled, and pranced away.

I hadn't of course at that time realized that it already had-

For the hysteria that had begun, and would probably never come to an end.

I hoped it wouldn't at that time either, because if I ever woke up- hell would raise over.

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**NOTE: SHE'S LOST IT!!**

**Oooh, and I spent forever looking for a song to fit this chapter- can anyone think of any?**

**PLEASE REVIEW, and TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!**

**SERIOUSLY- !!**


	4. Forgotten

**MEMO: I've got to say this is the most discouraged I've ever been on fanfic from the number of reviews last chapter-**

**It's like the same amount I had when I first published my first chapter to my first story back in June- **

**That story is complete and all now- and with over 150 reviews, but that was a long time ago and I never had that low of reviews from any chapter ever again-**

**Congratulations- You've made a new record of lows for me-**

**I'm sorry, lol but I am NOT happy with the current number of reviews I've been getting!!**

**I spend like forever making a new chapter for you guys and it seems like you don't even care since no one even bothers reviewing-

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**NOTE: I'm going away on break from Wednesday to the fifth of January, and I won't have computer access there-**

**And so Happy Holidays to you (or happy vacation!!) and Happy New Year to all of you!!

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**Song for Last Chapter: Forever Bitten got the song for the last chapter- "Crazy" by Alanis Morisette

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**Dedication: This story is definitely for my number one supporter- Loveatfirstsite2 (go read her story- it's awesome and better than mine)- Thank you so much, and you don't have to tape the next Smallville episode for me- it's an old one unfortunately…lol

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**Disclaimer: HA!!**

**And the lyrics belong to Evanescence for "My Immortal."

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**Bella's View-

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Im so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
cause your presence still lingers here  
And it wont leave me alone

"Bella," the old man began, "are you allright honey? You haven't been seeming too…too great these past few days. Can you tell me what happened?"

"Of course nothing happened Daddy," I giggled, seeing his red face swell to purple. This man-my father I think-, seriously needed to lose weight. It was no wonder they called America an obese nation…with all those people having such big bellies, I wondered why there weren't more little babies to play with! "Daddy," I said, 'are you having a baby?"

His face got redder, much to my amusement, I started laughing. It had been doing that a lot lately- I didn't know why though, because I didn't know what I'd said that was so embarrassing! "What makes you think that Bella?" he froze.

These wounds wont seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
Theres just too much that time cannot erase

"Bell-la,' I repeated, trying to confirm with him if that was what he was saying. "Bell-la," as he nodded. "It sounds like 'No-elle' that Angels song I keep hearing," I giggled, "like some guy said no to a girl called Elle! And Daddy," I frowned, "you keep getting bigger every day, this has to be the only reason, doesn't it?" I asked, confused.

"Only women can get pregnant," he gulped, still watching me frozen.

"Not really Dad," I shook my finger, "maybe we're like ostriches and males can get pregnant too. We never know, maybe we're having another evolution!" I reveled.

"I don't think so Bella," he shook his head. I didn't get why he wasn't understanding.

"We could be Dad-ty," I sounded out disapprovingly, "you never know. I bet gorillas didn't know when they were becoming less hairy either,' I shook my head.

"That's what scientists say Bella," he tried again, his face clenched, "God doesn't like that idea."

"I don't know God Daddy," I wrinkled my nose at the thought. "God's always too busy playing with his son Jesus. He never took the time to meet me."

"Playing how Bella?" he asked. Why didn't he ever understand, I wondered?

"I don't know,' I put out my hands in question. "They're probably playing with God's wife Hera or Mary or something like that- they can never get the name right!"

"Go touch that cross over there Bella," Charlie motioned with his head, nodding towards the fireplace where the cross was hanging.

"That cross,' I asked, confused to why he would ask that.

"Yes Bella,' he nodded his oaf-looking head, I thought disapprovingly. He really _did _need to work out- like someone else I vaguely remembered…that's how the normal person was supposed to look like. Though I couldn't remember that person's name, I still remembered that person wasn't this fat- my father shouldn't be this fat either. Imagine, I wondered, if he had another kid- what if, because of the evolution, that kid would be really ugly and big too?- like Charlie?

When you cried Id wipe away all of your tears  
When youd scream Id fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

"Why?" I asked him.

"Just do it Bella," he said, motioning once more. His big face, I noticed, was strangely calm. His eyes were the exact opposite. I wondered if he was about to have a stroke. Oh, I wondered aloof, that WAS a pretty funny idea- move and move around like he was dancing. This way he could probably lose a few pounds and his face would look a _bit _like that more beautiful face I remembered- angular and inhumanly beautiful.

I did though, anyway, not wanting to look repulsed at his face anymore- the only one I'd seen in the past quite a few days. He wasn't letting me leave the house for some reason.

Walking over to the cross, I gently placed my hand on it, and didn't bother turning around to look at my "dad." His voice was enough to set me off and make me angry. Only one voice mattered- and this voice wasn't his. "Now tell me why Daddy?" I asked, shuddering to myself if evolution had already taken place and I'd be that big, have such an off voice.

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating life  
Now Im bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

"Have you ever seen Emily Rose?" he asked, his voice and tone a bit off it's usualness. It still didn't manage to match even _close _to the wonderfully beautiful and melodious one, not even a fraction. Probably wouldn't ever.

"I think so," I pondered, recalling the story of Annelise Michel. "Based of a young Bavarian girl who was possessed in the mid- 1970's, correct?" I asked.

"Yes Bella," I could hear him shaking his head. It made too much air gush my way, I began heaving, such bad air that would probably make me that big…

Such a horrendous thought. The boy I was remembering, and some of the other people related to that boy were small and had good voices.

This person didn't. I knew I had to belong to those people, though I didn't remember who those people were.

"Why did you want me to touch the cross then?' I asked, slightly irked.

"Nothing Bella," he shook his head nervously. "I have to go to work now Bella, be careful not to leave the house."

He was lying, I knew. The house had alarms to set him off if I left, I knew. He had just gotten back from work and had started questioning my cleaning less than ten minutes ago, I knew. He wanted to leave me- to get away.

I knew this part as well.

That he didn't want to stay with someone like me.

That he thought I had too many meds, or was nervous about meeting Renee in Jacksonville this week.

That he wanted to get away, far, far away and was trying to sign up for night duties.

Trying to drug me to go to sleep, and stay asleep until his work started.

He didn't want to be with me.

I didn't know why.

"Bye Daddy," I chirped, seeing him run out of the house, hearing the engine rev, and within less than two minutes. If only the old man did this faster- he could be skinnier. More normal looking. More like _them _looking.

I resumed cleaning, humming to myself, notes unrecognizable.

Five minutes later, I was interrupted- the doorbell rang.

Someone was here, I giddied. Hopefully, I thought, it was that boy I wanted to be with so bad- hopefully, he was back.

Hopefully, I thought, he was here again- wanting to be with me.

After leaving me so many times already.

It wasn't him.

Instead, I saw, it was a girl- about my age plus a year or two looking. The first one, the normal kind, that I'd seen that looked fine. Her voice was okay, and not hideous, her looks weren't making her fat. Vaguely, I remembered her from somewhere.

Remember being with her sometime.

But she wasn't the boy.

To hell, she wasn't.

And he was the only one that mattered.

These wounds wont seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
Theres just too much that time cannot erase

"Can I help you?" I asked the spiky-looking hair girl, standing the doorway.

"It's me- Alice,' she said, that note of her name sending a flicker through me.

"Alice?" I asked, a bit irked that I didn't remember where I'd heard that name before.

"Bella?" she asked, looking at me- Bella, I suppose- with a look of astonishment on her face. "Charlie wasn't kidding then, I suppose," she murmured to herself. Why was she talking about the big man, I wondered, she- a normal person- why was she talking about such a non-normal person, a person who wasn't as beautiful as her or whose voice wasn't as soft and swerving as hers?

"Is there anything I can help you with, Al-lice?" I asked, giggling to myself inside that if spelling out her name, it would sound like she had lice! Of course though, I knew, there was nothing wrong with lice. They were just as normal to humans as fleas were to dogs, so why did people have such concerns over them? It wasn't until a few centuries ago that the Europeans had even started showering, adapting that tradition from India.

"Are you on drugs?" she asked, sniffing me.

"Of course not!" I exclaimed, not knowing how this stranger, totally normal person, thought she had the right to do this! And though, I knew, only normal people were able to tell what type of blood others had, and were able to sense what was in it. I had given Charlie the drugs, I wanted to say to her, but knew to test her to make sure she was normal- she had to pass this.

She passed.

"Why did you leave Edward then?" she asked, looking past me, not wanting to look at me.

"Edward?" I asked, that name striking a cord for a second, then flickering away. 'Like in Pride & Prejudice," I asked. "That Edward?"

"Yes," she nodded in agreement- or astonishment-, "that Edward. Good-bye Bella,' she murmured, taking the door's handle from me and closing it herself.

"How strange,' I said to myself, resuming my chores. I wondered who Edward and Alice once were- part of my old life I knew. A life I had nothing to do with anymore, a life that didn't need me, and neither- I suppose- did this life.

But suicide, I knew, was wrong. Not an option.

_This _was the only option, not waking up.

Not knowing.

It was easier than the truth.

Ive tried so hard to tell myself that youre gone  
But though youre still with me  
Ive been alone all along

**

* * *

Edward's View-

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**

"What did you do to her?" Alice asked, approaching me.

"I don't know,' I whispered, still watching the house intently.

"You had to do _something," _Alice continued to argue. "Did you drug her or something- but I didn't smell anything then. What made _her _leave _you_?" Alice asked again.

And again, I shook my head in confusion.

I didn't know why.

"She doesn't even recognize you,' Alice said to me. "You have to tell me why at least.'

"I don't know Alice," I gulped, knowing it was the truth.

I honestly didn't.

What, I wondered, had happened to me- or to her.

What was it, that I had done, that made her do this- leave me.

Forget about me.

And to Charlie, his thoughts were once again the same.

This was Bella, the first time I had left her.

So why, when I was actually here, was she believing that I was gone once again. Was never here in the first place.

Was part of her old life.

A part of her old life that I wasn't allowed to be a part of anymore.

When you cried Id wipe away all of your tears  
When youd scream Id fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

The Bella I had once known, disappeared that day.

I didn't know how long though, how long this would last.

If it would be temporary, for a few years- just enough for her to forget about me, or for forever.

I didn't know what I had done.

And I knew, on my part, that this was typical.

That this was my fault.

And she had, at last, recognized how right I had been before, and how wrong I was.

Smiling to myself, I allowed Alice to take me home.

* * *

**NOTE: Bella's lost it- and will stay this way.**

**Instead, this time- she's forgotten all about Edward like she was on the brink of doing in New Moon. **

**Remember??**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**

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**Happy Holidays and New Years to all of you (or just vacation!!)- and thanks to Loveatfirstsite2 again (read her story!!)**

**BUT REVIEW!!**

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	5. Recovering

**Memo: Hey you guys!! I got back from my trip about a week ago, and I'm sorry I didn't update before- but ohmigosh!! My time zones were seriously different and all, and I went to bed like four and a half hours before I usually do- lol, 9: 30 PM, and I wake up at like 3 AM here every morning!!**

**I come home and try to get the school crap out of my way, and go instantly to bed-**

**And mi gosh, it sucks so much!!**

**But lol, that's my excuse for not updating before!!

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**Disclaimer: No thank you!!

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**Edward's View-

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In all truth, I was relieved that Bella had finally forgotten about me.

I didn't know how of course she had managed to accomplish that, but was still grateful.

Somewhat.

After her decision of being changed had been made, and despite her knowing it, I had made my own plans of what we'd do when we'd get married.

I'd always wanted to move to London- and this, this was the perfect opportunity.

Now the only Edward she knew came from Pride and Prejudice.

The Edward that once reigned her dreams, now failed to even exist in her mind.

Perhaps it had finally gotten through to her that I wasn't the best thing for her.

Perhaps she wanted to go through what normal humans went through- perhaps through a real relationship for the first time.

One where _both _parties ate food. One where _both _parties could sing along to the music. One where _both _parties could dance- or at least sit at the side and snicker at the couples trying to dance. It would be one where she would feel loved, and for once- not constrained. Not told what to do.

Being able to do what she wanted.

Because for one, I knew that she did whatever I told her. I had noticed that for the past few months before I had left her for the first time- she never argued like she first used to when we met, she didn't debate, her opinions and her noticing of certain things vanished.

Her appeal to me vanished somewhat as well- the only part of her that still remained with me was what she was _before _September.

I don't know how exactly, but the summer had changed us- I didn't know if it was for the better or worse.

I hoped she would change.

And I had stopped loving her as well- the only part I had once loved were the memories of what she used to be, definitely not what she became.

And when she split up with me, casting me aside, I realized she became of what she was before- what I loved.

And I knew that what I loved I could never be with.

Because what I loved didn't love me back- and if it tried, my god if it tried- I'd only end up breaking it.

* * *

**Rosalie's View-

* * *

**

"What do you suggest we do about Edward?" I asked Alice, turning my head sideways and away from Leonardo Di Caprio **(who might have just won a golden globe by the way!- but I'm typing this instead of watching it- but don't worry!!- lol, I'm taping the show!)**

"I don't know," Alice shrugged, looking at me bewildered. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," I struggled, not knowing how to explain.

"No I don't Rose," she shook her head mystified. "Explain."

"Well," I began. "For starters he isn't behaving normal, he isn't really leaving his room, he isn't talking to any one of us, and he seems he's on the brink of losing it- you know, more than normal."

"Bella forgot he exists," Alice laughed, meeting my horror with laughter.

"She what?" I gasped.

"Yeah she did Rose," Alice nodded her head. "And what's it to you anyway? I thought you didn't like her."

"You were in _Denali," _I chuckled darkly, "so what the _hell _do you know what happened here? You didn't see what happened to Esme- who constantly ran after Carlisle who just about stopped talking and started moonlighting as well. You didn't try to cheer up a freakishly heavy husband who just sat on a sofa and blinked all day- not even _acknowledging _that you were there. And you for one Ms. Cullen," I gritted, "did not see this whole entire family tear apart, minus Jasper of course, thanks to Edward and his lover."

"Yes," Alice glared back, "I was in Denali with my pretty freakishly husband too, trying to cheer him up that the mistake he made on the thirteenth- that this was just a once in a lifetime thing and that it wouldn't happen again. He was _scared _to go outside Rose, and he never left the room either. I got Tanya to bring him his meals half the time. It wasn't easy on any of us. What do you expect?"

"I expect for you to care Alice," I whispered, "just a bit to what's going to become of us. If Edward leaves what's going to happen to Jasper? Jasper who constantly envisions breaking so many necks and having so much blood- his thoughts only clouding when Edward's near. What's going to happen to Emmett whose only fun is trying to beat Edward at his game- Emmett whose best friend is Edward? And what's going to happen to Esme- losing even one of us completely makes us lose her- and no matter how hard she tries to act normal, she's not even there. A-"

"I get what you're saying," moaned Alice, shaking her head in disagreement and putting a pause on the "Have you ever been to Wiscosin?" line in Titanic. "But the problem isn't that. The problem is that we have a whole entire forever in front of us- Bella doesn't. Bella has probably fifty years or something remaining in her life, that much times two is already what you've lived out. That much times one and a half and you have my life in front of you, not to mention quite a few others. We have _centuries, _rather _millenniums _to get this right- Bella Swan doesn't. She has a life, a _mortal _life that she wants to play out. And we should encourage her rather than discourage her and ask her to come over to our third class life of sucking blood Rosalie. I don't know why you don't get it."

"What if we never recover?" I asked, still somewhat breathless and speechless on what to say.

"Whose to say we won't?" Alice shrugged, pressing the play button and turning her full attention on Kate Winslet.

_What's to say that in over 5 months that we didn't- already knowing Edward was busy and alive and out there. What's to say, _I wondered, _that this isn't all our worst nightmares minus Alice. What's to say that this time we won't have a normal life anymore, that it'll easily become harder to survive, yet easier to break apart?_

_What's to say that without Edward keeping us in check, we'll all go astray?_

_And what's to say, _I knew, _that if Edward isn't there- and Carlisle's part way vanished, that we won't assume human blood once more?_

Without Edward that would probably be what we'd turn to- ten years maximum we'd probably be able to resist.

Ten years maximum before we all broke apart and went our separate ways- even Emmett and myself, no matter how many weddings or anniversaries we'd held.

Whose to say that without Edward, we'd still all be here?

I'd find a way without Alice's help- whether Bella trusted and knew me, or not.

I had resolved once already on not breaking us apart again- and if Bella, a _human _of all things was able to- I'd definitely find one way or another to stop her from doing it again.

* * *

**Bella's View-

* * *

**

After the girl that called herself Alice had left, I had immediately taken a flight up to my room- Charlie telling me where it was only yesterday.

Alice's mention of someone named "Edward' had triggered a memory- since I honestly doubted she was talking about Pride & Prejudice. I wasn't sure whether or not she knew of it, since as far back as I remembered, normal people didn't know what Pride & Prejudice even was.

Turning the doorknob, I stepped into a once-familiar room- now not even recognizable- and started going through my drawers one by one.

The first drawer I found contained scrap- scissors and glue and markers and stuff.

Nothing specially needed for the moment.

The second drawer held some magazines- some old Times and several Newsweek.

I didn't find anything I needed in there either.

The third drawer also held something I didn't need either- several classics I'd already read and memorized years ago.

I closed that one too pretty fast.

But opening the fourth one stopped me, causing me to gasp.

Inside I found a pair of _Victoria Secret's nightgown! _

I had never been more disgusted with myself than this moment-

I didn't know why I had Victoria Secret's clothing of all things with me, taking up some of my drawers space, and causing me to get _this _amount of disgusted with myself I didn't even know _I'd _ever be able to do.

I was flabbergasted when first seeing it, immediately wondering how a slut's clothing got in my drawer-

Then remembering that slut was myself.

I didn't know how I'd ever needed that, how I _would _ever need that.

Immediately throwing it out of my drawer, I went downstairs with it and outside- turning to my trash can and hoping no one could see how I was burying it to the bottom- it and all it's sluttiness was going far, far away.

Running back to my room, and new found urgency in me, I started throwing things out of my drawer- trying to find whatever I was searching for, whatever it may be.

A picture of a woman caught my attention first- a woman I once called mother.

But she was too big, too wide and too not normal looking.

It was what was underneath her that made me realize that I'd found what I was looking for- an album.

Taking a deep breath, I left my fingers to do all the work- my brain not knowing where to or where not to go.

Nothing was familiar anymore.

It was much too hard to identify just about anyone and everyone here-

Even my mother, I knew, I probably would not have recognized if Charlie hadn't pointed at her picture earlier.

Even my name confused me.

But I found that whenever I was alone, everything came clearer.

The memories weren't back of course, but I at least knew where I was and what I may or may not be doing.

At least part of the time.

When anyone else would be there, I wouldn't know what was going on full-time.

I didn't know what was happening anymore, what my conscious kept trying to tell me.

My fingers immediately turned to one page seven pages from the end.

Taking a quick glance down to what my mind was trying to tell me, I finally found who I'd been looking for.

_Edward, September 13th- _the page had written.

This was the Edward that girl had been talking about.

Whose face and body was just right.

Whose voice I could remember laughing in my ear someday or another.

This was the one, I thought with anger, who had caused me to wear that Victoria Secret's outfit- making be become a slut.

This was the one that was doing this to me, I realized, that was making me forget everything.

This was the one that was ruining everything I once had built, once had accomplished- the one that had made me so dependant, and the one that had made me lose my tongue and lose all I ever was.

This was the one who had ruined my life, in such a masterfully crafted way in that which I'd never recover.

This was the one I once loved.

And still loved.

* * *

**Predictions!!**

**I want to see what you guys will think what happens next- !!

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**

**Bella, by the way, is a bit more normal in this one because this is the first time she's really by herself you know- and when a person's by themself everything's a lot more clear to them usually rather than when they're accompanied by others.**

**Alice doesn't want to help because she's beginning to think this is for the better of Bella, who she's finally beginning to understand.**

**Rosalie wants to interfere because this is her worst nightmare.**

**And just hope that makes sense!!

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**

**Tell me if you have any questions, and I'll be more than happy to answer them!!**

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	6. Love or Lust

**MEMO: I know, I've taken way too long to update but mi gosh!!**

**My computer broke down and so now I'm at the library (they seriously give like no time on the computer- second day here now!) and am going to try to get this up and running as soon as I can because I know I've received a lot of complaints (loveatfirstsite2!!- this chapter's up for you by the way) to do this quicker!!**

**SO, SO sorry though!!

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**Quick question by the way, is it too late to pretend it's December because that's the song in here- "My December" by Linkin Park.**

**Lol.

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**I know this promise sucks, given the number of times I've given it, but I swear I'll try to update quicker next time!!-

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**Bella's View-

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**

_This is my December  
This is my time of the year  
This is my December  
This is all so clear_

Closing the album shut immediately, I walked over to my door and locked it.

I didn't want Charlie coming in for a while- not even risking for he might as well come home early.

I turned on the CD player, and got into bed, trying to fall asleep.

Hopefully listening to the CD Phil gave me-"Encore"- would make me fall asleep eventually.

And I began to remember, I think.

I began to ponder, and simply looked through my window.

_This is my December  
This is my snow covered home  
This is my December  
This is me alone_

I began to remember too, everything that had happened-

But the name, Edward, I only knew the first part of it.

I didn't know if I'd ever be able to track this 'just right' boy with only a first name, this inhuman beauty of his didn't match the inadequate handsomeness of any of the models I'd ever seen either.

And I imagined it.

Imagined it all.

And so I began to speak to him, in my mind.

Telling him everything I wanted him to know.

"Edward," I imagined myself saying (**she's saying this in her mind by the way, NOT out loud!) **, "where are you?"

I imagined myself asking him why he did this to me, why he kept trying to change me and why he seemed to bury me alive. I didn't remember feeling so lost before in my life before he came, with everything making sense before, but then-

Then I didn't remember anymore.

Days went by and past September, the memories disappeared.

And only now did they come back, haunting me hourly.

This was who Alice was talking about.

The boy who once mattered so much to me, this boy I wanted to talk so much to, the boy I had once loved and still loved.

_And I,  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And I,  
Take back all the things I said  
To make you feel like that_

And then the tears came.

Slowly, one by one, they descended down my cheeks.

I could feel him in front of me, grazing my arm with his long and cold fingers- sending a flutter to my heart once.

Once.

I could feel him lean down and kiss me, and while only for a moment, the memory still existed.

And I could feel something missing, something I desperately wanted- but didn't need.

I'd done so much for this Edward, I knew, and that it had sucked me dry.

It was either to be with him and lose myself, or to be me and feel unwanted forever.

It was either to love or not to love- for I certainly did love him.

And only time had to determine which one I held the strength for, whether it be any.

I had loved him so much at a time, and yet I didn't know what was happening.

_And I'd give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to_

"Edward," I wanted to say, "why did you do to this to me? Just once in my life Edward, do you mind telling me why? Why I lost everything I once had, and now gained this- this unwanted meaningless life that I never would have known if it had not been for you-

"Would I still feel complete if you had not changed me so much, if I had not depended so much on you?"

_And I,  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And I,  
Take back all the things that I said to you_

I fell asleep at this point.

And I had dreams too, and in them, I was talking to him.

Telling this beautiful boy of my day and he listened for the first time, listened and didn't call me stupid and arrogant-

Didn't impact me the way he used to for so long,

Crushing my dreams and morals so many different times.

And in them, he told me loved me and he held me for what seemed like forever, and he wasn't letting go either like he always did.

And myself, in them, I wasn't trying to pose in Victoria Secret's either or flirting to a dangerous amount- asking for him to kiss me, always so disappointed that he let go so quickly.

And it made me realize, is this what I thought was love? Love was love- when two people truly cared about each other, I knew, and it wasn't something doing with your hands and lips.

And now I was in my dream once again, and he was right in front of me- holding my hands within his own, staring right into my eyes and seeming to understand everything I was feeling, until he said it.

Until he said that he loved me.

And it wasn't much to it either, I thought he understood me, and now he was saying he loved me so much, and that he'd never stop.

And now to tell him, I knew, that a person only loved one their whole life- the rest was just lust, and so I asked him whether he loved me or lusted after me?

He said love.

And then he asked me if I loved him.

"Edward," I began, the back of my hand tracing his cheek bone, "I l-"

I woke up before the sentence was completed, and turned to look out my window once more, gasping.

_This is my December  
this is my snow covered home  
this is my December  
this is me alone_

I hadn't been able to say it.

* * *

**Rosalie's View-

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**

I came to Bella's window at 4: 30 that day, knocking on it to let me enter.

She opened it, looking at me confused and apparently having just woken up from her slumber.

She didn't let me enter though.

"What's the problem?" I asked her, looking at her inquisitively.

"Who are you?" she asked. "You look somewhat familiar I guess, but I don't recognize you. And what are you doing on my window- my father's due to be back any moment, and he's an officer. He can arrest you for trespassing you know."

And while her words gave away the tone of being panicked, her words were calm and smooth, both messages contradicting one another.

"Do you not know me Bella?" I asked, looking into her eyes.

"You're one of them," she said calmly. I didn't know what she was talking about.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, just as calmly, confused though, and sure that it showed in my tone.

"Guess," she whispered, and closed the window before I could respond.

And then I looked down at my apparel, and noticed I was wearing a t-shirt in this weather- caused by global warming by the way, otherwise we'd never have snow in Forks.

Oh.

And there was no car in the driveway either- something she must have noticed.

I watched her, going back to her radio or CD player or whatever.

_And I give it all away  
just to have somewhere to go to  
give it all away  
to have someone to come home to_

"Rosalie, Bella," I shouted through the window, and she turned just once and stared at me, walking towards the window.

And I truly thought she wanted me to explain, and was going to open the window up once more and have me tell her who 'Rosalie' was.

And I truly thought she wanted to listen about Edward then- most assuredly she knew he was now, as I had heard her mumbling his name from her sleep when I was coming up here, and most assuredly she wanted to talk to me.

She knew _what _I was, but she didn't know _who _I was.

She didn't do any of those things though, and instead just closed the curtains, saying just once, "Leave me alone," under her breath, knowing I had heard.

And as I began to leave, I found she had something more to say- whether or not to me, I didn't know.

"Please," she had said, under her breath as soon as she thought I had left. "Just please."

And from this, I knew I wouldn't try to interfere again.

She had her own right to live, and now, just like Alice, no matter what happend to me, I applauded her.

Applauded her happily, while, for the first time in so long, I began to feel my eyes get wet and my shirt clinging to me.

* * *

**Bella's View-

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**

And now I realized why I hadn't been able to say it, right after 'Rosalie' had left.

It was because I didn't know, and while I loved him, I couldn't stay with him.

And while I knew I had once been proposed to- could feel it inside of me, I knew I could never stay with him.

I didn't want to be what I was not.

I didn't want to lose myself, because that, in fact, was the only thing I had for sure.

And if I ever went to him too, he would get sick of me soon enough, better it be this way than any other way.

_And I  
just wish that I didn't feel  
like there was something I missed  
And I  
take back all the things I said  
to make you feel like that  
And I  
just wish that I didn't feel  
like there was something I missed  
And I  
take back all the things I said to you

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_

**WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT??**

**I KNOW it lacked action and everything, but I'm leaving that for next chapter,**

**And what do you think of the song too??-Or what would you have used, had you been in my place (I didn't really know what to use to tell you the truth, most songs about breaking up don't kinda fit with it- like I'm listening to 'Little too Late' by Jojo right now, and I don't think that would work)?

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**BUT SERIOUSLY-**

**REVIEW!!**

**Questions, comments, Suggestions, or whatever-**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!

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**Zinthafan!!**


	7. Not Ready to Make Nice

**MEMO: I still don't have a computer, and so my Dad- a while ago- he lost my labtop's charger, and now he took one from his workplace, and tada, I have my computer back.**

**Except of course, this doesn't have MICROSOFT WORD!!**

**NOTE: I'm officially giving up making promises. Threats are coming now. I think the reason I didn't really update more earlier is because I was disappointed in reviews, but ohmigosh, like my other story has like over a 12 reviews average per chapter, and now it has ONE FREAKING review for the last chapter I updated. So, as you can see, I'm not happy and I'm not planning on updating anytime soon for that story, and am just wondering on asking them straight if they want me to end the story...as you can see- so not happy!!**

**SO, motto of this, PLEASE REVIEW!!

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**Disclaimers: Here's the Dixie Chicks: Not Ready To Make Nice.

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Forgive, sounds good  
Forget, I'm not sure I could  
They say time heals everything  
But I'm still waiting

**Bella's View-

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**

I myself wasn't quite so sure why Rosalie had left me so easily, and I still thought about her visit- even after so many days or whatever.

No one had visited me, the old man who lived near me- Charlie- just bustled about oh his own, his lard trying to find a way out.

And I had no one to come and try to get me back to that Edward boy. And I was happy.

But I was curious.

When Rosalie had first come, she had come looking determined, the wicked blonde knew him quite well and cared for him, obviously enough to come visit me. Same with the brunette Alice, who looked as though she had been constantly hiding something.

Whatever it was, I didn't know, and I didn't care.

Rosalie, however, I did care about. I didn't know why she had given up just so _early, _just a few sentences and she lets me close the window on her?

And it was constantly nagging at me,

"_Please," I had begged earlier, under my breath as soon as her face had disappeared from the window. I knew she had heard though, then, and added a. "just please," afterwards to make sure she got the message. Or at least part of it._

Now, looking back, it seemed like she had gotten all of it.

But _why _I couldn't comprehend, was she giving up just so _easily?_

As her dear Edward didn't want to get involved with trash like me, sending her a message that only their own minds could read.

But no, I did remember that Edward could read minds. And I knew right then, that I wanted to find this Rosalie and ask her, because it would eat at me till then.

And to find her, I had to go through Edward- but, I grinned at that thought- that tard didn't care about me anymore because he hadn't come and seen me since.

I began my search by rummaging through old notebooks, knowing that if I had once loved this guy, there had to be some Mrs.Edward-whatevers in there, and that through the last name of this guy, I could find the blonde and have her explain to me exactly why she had left.

I didn't have to go far, looking at the back side I saw more than enough "I LUV EDWARD-CULLEN"'s at the back.

Cullen, I shrugged, the last name struck a cord, but barely even hit a minor.

I'm through with doubt  
There's nothing left for me to figure out  
I've paid a price  
And I'll keep paying

Running down the stairs, happy that the old man wasn't here, I grabbed the phone directory and started flipping through it.

_Culkin_

_Culkrew_

_Culley_

_Cullen- Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Alice_

That fit two of the names that I knew, and so I dialed the number, it being picked up on the second ringtone.

"Hello?" the person on the other line inquired.

"Hi," I replied back, thankful they'd been home. I didn't know who I was talking to though.

"Bella?" the voice gasped.

"Yuh-huh," I nodded, twirling the cord in my hand, "Can I please talk to Rosalie?"

"Rosalie?" he asked.

"Yuh-huh," I replied, seeing how many times I could loop it around.

"Sure, sure," the voice came out strangled on the other end. "Here you are."

I'm not ready to make nice  
I'm not ready to back down  
I'm still mad as hell and  
I don't have time to go round and round and round  
It's too late to make it right  
I probably wouldn't if I could  
'Cause I'm mad as hell  
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should.

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**Rosalie's View

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**

I took the phone from Edward confused, as I had heard him say my name and come down immediately. I hadn't heard the voice on the other line however.

"Rosalie speaking," I replied, 'now what can I do for you..."

"Bella," the voice chirped happily, "Bella."

"Oh Bella," I smiled faintly, my teeth clenched. How had she found my number? Or home number anyway... and if she didn't even know who I was?

And besides, everything had been going fine since that day Bella left Edward, why was she calling his house now to talk to me?

"Well, I'm not sure if you remember me or not," she went on, I could hear her playing with her hands over the phone, "but you came to my window about something not that long ago. And well, Rosalie, I really would like to know why you came so determined, and left so quickly when all I'd done was say a few words to you. I know this might not mean a lot to you, but I'd really appreciate if you your time to answer."

"No, no," I rushed, flushed, "it's fine. I left because you convinced me, that's all." I smiled hesitantly at Edward, who was looking at me amused.

Liar, I thought towards Edward.

Such a liar.

He wasn't all right, and I didn't need much to know that.

"How?" she persisted though, "for I barely say a few words and you left? I'm sorry Rosalie, but I don't understand that like one bit, and really would like to know what I'd said that changed the such strong determination you came with and destroyed it so easily?'

I know you said  
Can't you just get over it  
It turned my whole world around  
And I kind of like it

"You asked me just once Bella," I spoke softly, peering at Edward, still studying his expression, knowing he didn't have to study mine to know what I was thinking.

He nodded happily at that.

"And you reminded me of myself when I was once your age," I continued, still softly, "of what happened to me and what I became and how this was the very last thing I would have ever wanted. And then I realized by asking you to join my brother again that you'd-" I heard a gasp from the other end, though I didn't really understand why- "have to become what he was and that wasn't very fair."

"But," she countered, "you could have easily realized this before, and that wasn't my question. I didn't ask you anything. So what did I say that convinced you?"

I took a moment before answering.

"Please," I said just as calmly, "please." And then shutting the phone, I turned fully towards Edward, awaiting what he would do next.

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby  
With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'  
It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her  
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger  
And how in the world can the words that I said  
Send somebody so over the edge  
That they'd write me a letter  
Sayin' that I better shut up and sing  
Or my life will be over

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**Edward's View

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**

I was happy for Bella, I truly was, and I believed I had almost convinced myself to not be flustered by her anymore.

Of course, I'd also almost convinced myself this the first time after I met her and went to Alaska, and so many times after that it never went past almost.

But I had hoped, as I had hoped so many time before, that this time it would reach end line.

"Why are you doing this Rosalie?" I asked, gazing at her, careful to keep my expression both calm and towards the way of intrigued. She saw it as amused.

"You can already read my thoughts," she muttered, still looking at me, "why ask in words?"

"Because then I have an explanation for why your thoughts all revolve on making me happy since that makes everyone else happy."

"You just answered your own question."

"No," I smiled, "I didn't. I want to know why you think me happy is going to make everyone else happy?" I paused for a second, hearing her thoughts. "Because I know I don't matter much, much to your belief, and while I know that I didn't really see the family once I had left to the Volturi, and yet I see your thoughts so can stop flashing them, I don't see how I affected that. They aren't so happy when you and Emmett are gone either you know."

"Stop it," she whispered, and began to stroll away, hurt.

She wasn't getting the picture.

I didn't, I knew, really matter, and all I did was make complications whether they understood it or not. But I still stood with them, and I didn't see what the problem was if I had permanently left- or how I was hurting the family right now by not being "happy" by being with Bella.

Rosalie didn't understand that if Bella was happy, I was happy.

Of course I'd be happier if I were with her, but I knew that was far too much to ask for.

Less than ten minutes later, while still pondering, I had heard a loud rumble from outside.

I didn't have to look at what it was.

A chevy.

A rather old one.

And a purse being swung around someone's neck.

A neck that smelled somewhat like freesia...

Bella.

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**Bella's View

* * *

Smiling, I got out of the truck, looking up at a rather old and pretty house. Kind of dark though, from the front, and a bit creepy.**

I didn't shiver though.

I was too intrigued.

I didn't know why I was doing this personally, and I realized that Rosalie was Edward's sister, and assumed that they lived together.

And I was right too, for a saw a boy- such a cute, long faced boy- staring longingly at me from the window, slightly dismayed.

It was hard for me, personally, to explain why I was doing this.

My heart was telling me to come here and find out what was happening.

And my mind, my fingers and any common sense I had told me to stay back.

But I had to admit, it was far too hard to stay away from him.

Everytime I stepped back, I realized for the first time, I took five steps forward.

I wanted to know, more than anything, why I supposedly had loved someone who had ruined any part of me that had once been whole- complete, and taken over five sixths of it away, distributing the other sixth to people I didn't even know anymore, and leaving none for me in the process.

And I knew, before even arriving to the manor, that this wasn't going to be pleasant.

I'm not ready to make nice  
I'm not ready to back down  
I'm still mad as hell and  
I don't have time to go round and round and round  
It's too late to make it right  
I probably wouldn't if I could  
'Cause I'm mad as hell  
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

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**Edward's View-

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**

She stepped inside carelessly, not bothering to knock, or even take off her shoes.

When she saw me, she smiled.

"I've been waiting to meet you," she grinned warmly, "the legendary Edward Cullen who two girls have come up to my doorstep, begging me to take this beloved back." Her grin tightened. "A beloved who took so much out of me and-"

But I didn't let her continue, and just started walking forward, halting at a step in front of her.

"Before we begin this," I started laughing, "answer me one question. Do you love me?"

Taking her eyes and bringing it up to my own, she said one word.

"Yeah," she replied, dazed and nodding her head.

"Now say it," I commanded.

"That's the problem," she began laughing herself- though hers, however, seemed much more on the hysterical side. I kept my ground. "I can't."

And then she slapped me.

Forgive, sounds good  
Forget, I'm not sure I could  
They say time heals everything  
But I'm still waiting

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**NOTE: AS you can see, she's not so happy at him and while she can say "yeah" and all to the "I love you" question, she can't say "I love you" directly to him, because those are two completely different things.**

**And she's mad at him, and so she slaps him, because as I was trying to get through bits in this is that she's stepping back from two chapters of clearmindeness to what she was before- kinda hysterical and confused.**

**But the positive of her being hysterical and confused, she's acting on gut and not on feeling, bringing up the next chapter in which the two converse.**

**And as a hint towards the next chapter, I like songs like "Not Ready To Make Nice" and the genre kinda is angst- so, lol, I don't think it'll be hard to guess what's coming up!

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**AND PLEASE,**

**PLEASE,**

**PLEASE,**

**REIVEW!!**


	8. Let Me Go

**Memo: Hey you guys, it's been like less than two weeks since I updated, and so I think I'm going back to schedule a bit. Which, lol, means good news toward updates- probably!

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**Last chapter: Ended with her meeting Edward and slapping him.

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**Bella's View

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_One more kiss could be the last thing  
One more lie could be the worst  
And all these thoughts are never resting  
You're not something I deserve _

I was grinning like an idiot after withdrawing my hand, happy with myself for doing that, while knowing in my old life I'd never be able to.

"What was that for?" the stupid boy asked me, gaping.

What a stupid, stupid boy he seemed now.

"For everything you did to me," I snorted. "I just had to get back somehow you know, and I think this," I squinted my nose, "was pretty nifty."

"_What _did _I _do to you?" the pretty-faced boy barked. "You break up with me, and don't even look back once. Then you seem to forget me, come up at my house, slap me, and now you're screaming at me!"

I just shook my head, frowning slightly. For such a pretty faced boy, he was pretty dense in intelligence apparently.

Rolling my eyes, I just stepped back and began to look around the house.

And suddenly, seeing the piano, memories came flooding back.

"_And this," he said, "I made this one for you."_

_And I remember listening, the tune playing beautifully. _

"_Do you like it?" the then asked me._

_And I remember crying to the tune as well, the first ever time I had come to his house._

But then, an even sharper image came to my mind.

Me. Crying. When he had left me.

That definitely blocked out all the happy thoughts I had before, or at least, a part of it I supposed.

And I knew I was lying to myself this time.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, his hand coming to my face- wiping away a tear.

"Nothing," I said, and turned around, wanting to leave, and hastening towards the door.

I couldn't deal with this.

Contrary to what I had thought before, I still wasn't ready to face him.

And as I turned to leave,

practically trying to run,

Someone saved me moments from tripping

because that someone had his hand wrapped around my arm

blocking me from leaving once more.

_In my head there's only you now,  
This world falls on me  
In this world there's real and make believe  
This seems real to me

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_

**Edward's Point of View

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Her entering and slapping me had shocked me before, but now, I found that bewilderment that had settled on her face only moments before had seemed to out startle me by quite a ways.

And while I had locked my hand around her arm as she was leaving,

I'd expected for her to turn my way

So I'd be able to tell why she was doing this.

But she, I knew, had thought quite a few steps before me for she was facing forward, hiding her face from decryption- not that I believed I'd be able to do much in the first place.

"Just tell me what's wrong Bella, and I'll let you go," I muttered, whispering it into her ear slowly.

"What if I don't want you to let me go?" she asked, turning around to face me now, her eyes undecriptable after all. "What would you then, Mr. Cullen?" she asked me. "What would you do then?"

_You love me but you don't know who I am  
I'm torn between this life I need and where I stand  
You love me but you don't know who I am  
So let me go, let me go

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**Bella's Point of View

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**

And I saw hope, such hope, radiating off of his face.

The only problem was, is that I wanted to crush that hope, once and for all.

Because I barely remembered him.

_I dream ahead to what I hope for  
And I turned my back on loving you  
How can this love be a good thing?  
When I don't know what I'm going through_

Yet knowing that I loved him- and knowing that he'd always be the only one I'd ever love- I didn't know whether or not I was meant to be with him.

Because there was just _so _much that I had to say to him, that I _couldn't _say. There was just so much that I had to do, that I wasn't even _able _to do- and all of that, all of that was because of him.

Was because of how I always strove after his affection.

His touch.

It was because I always tried to be something I wasn't, and being with him, being with him had made me like this.

It had ruined me.

I had hopes and dreams at one point in my life, that being until the summer of the junior year. After that, and through the summer, he began changing my life because I began to notice him more and more. He became more critical, his smiles not reaching his eyes. And through all this, I had kept trying to make him happier- doing everything he said.

The year he left me I realized that I'd do anything to hear his voice again- jumping off cliffs, going on motorcycles, anything to hear him screaming inside my head for me to stop being an idiot.

Him coming back, and I'd began to go back to what I truly was.

Though that never did last lost.

Because he took me as his own once again.

_In my head there's only you now  
This world falls on me  
In this world there's real and make believe  
This seems real to me_

Taking me _from_ me, and leaving nothing _for _me.

And so I watched him, studying him carefully how he kept his face the same- unchanged, his eyes clouding over to hide what he was feeling, and his body turning even more stone than it was before.

And yet through this, I couldn't help laughing slightly- his hands, like any nervous teenage boy before kissing his date for the first time, was trembling.

_He _was trembling because of _me. _

And I didn't know whether to feel happy or not.

Because I had caused this much of a change over him just so quick.

I smirked though, since I knew, I _needed _to get him back.

And so when he asked me, "Do you really mean that Bella?" his voice not being able to hide his excitement either.

I smiled and shook my head. "No," I began to answer, "I want you to leave me alone. Now drop your hand," I snapped.

He dropped it immediately.

And I knew this was nothing like me, snapping at _him_ of all people- that was something I'd surely never do before. But now, I knew, I was gaining my strength and courage back from before.

And it was because like hell or whatever, because of hell that I knew I needed to get him out of my life before he'd take me out of his own once again.

_You love me but you don't know who I am  
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
You love me but you don't know who I am  
So let me go, just let me go

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**Note: I knew this was short but this was supposed to be up on MONDAY and now it's THUR**SDAY (**well, like 12 AM to make it Friday) but I've spent FOREVER on this because I've had NO IDEA what to do!!

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**Recap of it all together then: Bella tried to make a somewhat less happier Edward happy during the summer. It changed her, and ruined all her hopes and dreams. After he came back (New Moon) she became what she was before (strong and not wimpy) but only for a little while. And so she's scared that he'll ruin her once more. And so she's trying to crush his dreams by giving him so much hope and making it all go down this huge, huge drain.**

**REVIEW!!**

**SERIoUSLY!!**

**REVIEW!!**


	9. Fanaa

**Memo: I'm typing this from the Windy City of America (aka Chicago). You guys were good with reviews last time, even due to the short chapter- **

the song, last chapter by the way, was "Let Me Go" by Three Doors Down.

I don't have internet access right this minute, so I'm not sure whether or not I've used this song in another chapter of this story before or not..

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And ohmigosh, the title for this chapter, FANAA means destroyed and I just saw that movie and it is like the best forever. And like it's in another language of course, and while I do know that some of you understand that, the majority don't, but it is like SO AWESOME and like watch by the subtitles (they seriously aren't that bad- watching movies through subtitles doesn't change the movie much).

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I've been trying to post this- now it's like 12:30 AM at my house, but this chapter is up thanks to ADDIE W. who posted for everyone about how to update!!

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Last Chapter: And I knew this was nothing like me, snapping at _him_ of all people- that was something I'd surely never do before. But now, I knew, I was gaining my strength and courage back from before.

And it was because like hell or whatever, because of hell that I knew I needed to get him out of my life before he'd take me out of his own once again

**

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Edward's Point of View

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"I'm moving Edward," she said, standing in front of me, her body harder than before, her eyes indecipherable, and her look hard- like granite.

"Where?" I asked, hiding my expression with my back faced to her, pretending to be busy cleaning the piano.

After she had told me to put my hand down, I had left the room temporarily- faster than she could comprehend really- and had taken to cleaning the piano slowly.

"Why do you care?" she asked, her voice snickering toward me. She hadn't even bothered to hide it.

"In case you take anything of mine that I may need once again," I shrugged, trying to keep my voice unconcerned and uncaring. I didn't want her laughing at me the second she left the room- or even worse- laughing right at me openly. She hadn't bothered to hide her snickering little ways in front of me, why would she hide laughing, I wondered?

"Don't worry," she snorted, "what could I take that you couldn't get another of? Seriously- you're like uber rich, and so whatever I would have taken, you could probably get like another million of. Nothing I own is that expensive anyhow. But of course," she finished, "_nothing's _too expensive for you."

"Why'd you come here Bella?" I asked, my voice softening without my approval. "You didn't have to tell me that you were moving you know. Why did you seriously come here?"

At first, she didn't say anything.

And after a minute, she seemed to speak up.

"I have to go now Edward," she said, her voice withdrawn and distant. She hadn't answered the question. "Good bye."

She hadn't even taken a glance at me when closing the door behind her.

Taking a deep breath, I wadded up the towel and threw it into the basket.

I'd put Bella out of my life now, I knew, and so she'd be part of the past. And I wouldn't get mad at this either, I bargained, going against my inner thoughts.

I needed to accept this, to know that she would be part of the past now because I couldn't keep my life revolving around her.

She didn't want me.

She didn't care about me.

It didn't matter what I felt, since I just wanted her to have what she wanted. And if that wasn't me anymore- that's fine, I knew. Just as long as I didn't destroy her life, everything would be fine. It _had _to be basically.

I had to move on.

But there, of course, was one main problem.

I'd gone through things like this before in my life- a little but, never as bad as this before, and while I knew I really would never be able to move on completely, the fact that she'd come here to tell me that was more than enough to even give me _hope _of moving on in due time, would never let me.

Needing to know the answer to my question,

I went after her immediately,

just in time to stop her slamming her car door.

"What do you want?' she asked me sourly, her voice still withdrawn. "Seriously, what this time?"

"Why did you come here Bella?" I asked. 'Just answer this one question and I'll be out of your life forever," I tried to bargain.

Even though I knew I'd never be able to do that,

I could still _try _doing that and hope that I wouldn't be as unsuccessful at that as I had been the first time. Since the first time I was leaving her for her own good. This time she was leaving me for whatever reason. That's what I wanted to know though- _why _she was leaving me. What had I done exactly to make her leave me?

Was she still mad, I wondered, over the whole Volturi incident?

The marriage proposal that she never wanted?

Me refusing to change her?

If she answered that one question, I knew, it would be easier to stay away from her.

"Just tell me Bella," I pleaded, still holding the door open, eager for her to give me a quick answer.

It was beginning to rain- like one of those really bad showers, and I wanted to get away from her pretty fast. I had to, I knew.

And I had to convince myself this too- which, I knew, wasn't really working yet. But I knew the more I thought about it, and tried it, that it would work eventually- or at least give me hope that it would work eventually, even though it probably never would.

"I don't have to tell you anything," she said.

"Just before you go Bella," I tried again. "I won't bother you again," I whispered, looking her way.

"No Edward," she repeated again, shaking her head, putting the key into the ignition.

"I won't ask anything from you ever again Bella," I begged, not wanting to tell her the truth. "Just let me know this, and I won't bother you again. Just _please let me know!"_

"Shut the door Edward,' she said, looking up to meet my gaze now, hers being calm and cool- giving away nothing, yet telling she didn't care and just didn't want to waste her time with me.

I shut the door.

She drove off.

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Bella's View

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It was hard for me, really hard actually.

Even knowing I had to get rid of him, that was a lot to soak in.

And with him, for so long, I had followed my gut instead of my brain- tossing it aside. And now I saw where it cost me.

I had believed in that theory, and now, if I did just that- if I had even answered his question- I'd be back with him I knew, if he still wanted me of course.

He didn't look like he cared there.

If I had answered his question, however, than I didn't know if I'd ever be able to forgive myself.

And so to answer his question, because now, as I drove through the awful rain, I could imagine him standing right there in front of me, asking his question once more.

His hair, untidy and clustered, wet from the rain, stuck to his forehead. His face, even more defined than before, seemed flustered and somewhat breathless- imagining that would ever happen. And he was like two inches away from me too, his sweet breath filling my nostrils.

"Why'd you come Bella?" he asked me once more, stroking my face from the palm of his hand, pushing a stray hair back to it's place.

I didn't know why I was dry in this- probably, I thought, because I was imagining him asking the question from both of our current states- if he hadn't changed already, that was.

Because when he was standing by my door, his hair _was _wet, the bronze from it blending right into the dark. And his face, well, it was always flustered, but he really _did _seem flustered, his breath coming out in unusual steps. And well, his hand stroking my cheek, that was just my imagination at work, but he really was only a few inches away from me before.

And I, in the contrary, was in the car dry and secure. My hair was always out of place.

So, overall, I guess the scene did fit.

Pondering over my daydream, even while knowing it was dangerous to do while driving in such conditions- not even being a good driver- I heard my phone ring inside my purse, I reached for it, hoping it wasn't _him _again, or any of his family anyways.

Sighing, I breathed a breath of relief- it was Charlie.

"Hey Dad," I said, snapping open the phone. "What's wrong?" I asked, wondering why he'd call me.

"Just wondering where you were Bells," he replied. "It's raining pretty hard outside, and so I'd either recommend finishing up your visit with whoever it is, and come home immediately. Have someone drive you back. I can pick up the truck later."

I laughed to myself, in spite of all of this. Charlie, I had figured out just recently, was pretty scared of me on account of thinking he was pregnant, comparing him to Micheal Jackson (though I hadn't said that out loud) and a whole lot of other things too. He thought I'd probably commit suicide, I knew, if I drove by myself.

"I'm coming anyways. Don't worry, I'll be fine. By the way," I said, picking this as my opportunity. "I'm moving back with Mom to Jacksonville. I forgot to mention that earlier," I said, lying through my teeth. I had made that up just recently. Now to tell Renee. She wouldn't mind though.

"That's good," Charlie perked up, probably cheered up that I was leaving him after all. "When? And permanently?"

I laughed once again that he hadn't even bothered to conceal his excitement.

"As soon as tomorrow maybe," I said to answer the first question. 'And probably."

"That's great Bells!" he seemed so happy. I couldn't deny that I wasn't either.

I was moving to get away from _Edward _anyway. This was I wouldn't have the problem of running into him ever again.

I still had to tell Renee though.

That'd definitely be a problem.

Especially with that new baby coming- with Phil's job, and all of that- this would be a good change.

"Bye Dad," I said, not even bothering to let him reply back, and shutting the phone. I'd let him get excited over himself for now.

Now facing the road once more, I thought back to the reason why I was leaving.

It was to avoid Edward of course, and that, was, well, the main reason. But also the want to start a new life where no one had any stereotypes of me attracted me a lot too.

I'd probably just go to the University of Miami and get college over with.

I had applied there a while ago, without telling Edward though. I'd kept that as a back up.

"Well Edward," I began, not even flustering like I would in normal life. And even giving an answer that I'd never admit out loud to him. "I'm driving away without giving you an answer because I knew that if I'd given you an answer, I wouldn't be able to leave."

I stopped then.

I was having trouble breathing.

"It's because I don't know," I said. "And I didn't want to tell you because I couldn't leave without seeing you once more. And well, seeing you made me decide I was leaving. But I didn't want to spend any more time away from you. And I love you Edward. That's the real reason. It's because I love you so, so much- more than you'll ever know of course because I'll never admit it to you face on face because I want to leave you for some reason I keep trying to convince myself and well," I sighed, ready to admit the truth, "I-"

I never got to finish the sentence though.

Because well, pretty much right that second, the car slipped and crashed.

And this, I knew, were the very last things I'd be able to comprehend.

Because of fanaa of course.

The Urdu word for destroyed- and I was destroyed.

Destroyed in love.

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Note 1: This chapter is inspired by LoveatFirstSite2 for her suggestion, and this one awful kid I know who got me really pissed off once (he goes to my school).

Note 2: The speech at the end she's imagining that she's telling Edward. In it, she admits that she loves him, and she really and honestly doesn't know why, and keeps trying to convince herself that.

Note 3: Edward, here, was trying to convince himself to leave Bella because he believed that she wanted him to do just that.

Note 4: QUESTIONS OR ANYTHING, DON'T hesitate to ASK.

Comments, suggestions, even like negatives help in the forming of this. It's helped me with further chapters (like this one). But seriously, ASK. REVIEW TOO!!

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	10. Better Than Me

**Memo: Migoshy, so I JUST realized it's been a MONTH since I updated, and I thought it was like two weeks at most!!- He he, I still have to update a story I haven't since March- which shows how lost on time I've been!

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**Reviews: You guys, we've ALMOST reached a hundred, and can we PLEZ reach it by this chapter?

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**Song: Better than me by Hinder

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**Last time:**

**Bella tells Edward that she's moving. She luvs him, but she knows she has to go, and then her car crashes when driving back

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**Edward's View**

**2 months later

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_I think you can do much better than me  
after all the lies I made you believe  
guilt kicks in and I start to see  
the edge of the bed  
where your nightgown used to be _

After that one day,

I hadn't heard from her again.

I didn't know where she was, whether she had decided to stay in Jacksonville, or move to Miami, or had even enrolled in college. And quite frankly, I didn't care, because if I thought about it- it would hurt me, and being away from everyone was already doing that.

I had moved to Alberta that one day when I'd last seen her, because well, I didn't want to hear about her again or anything. I told Carlisle and Alice and Jasper and the rest that they weren't allowed to visit, but encouraged to call- I didn't want to hear any of their thoughts actually.

And usually, I could sense if they wanted to bring up the subject of _her _and then I'd just shut down the phone. I didn't want to hear anything.

And so now I was shopping. Alice, I knew, would have been hepped to be with me at this current moment. Biggest mall in the world was now pretty close to where I lived- which was a small little apartment.

i told myself i wouldn't miss you

_But I remembered  
what it feels like beside you  
I really miss your hair in my face  
and the way your innocence tastes  
and I think you should know this  
you deserve much better than me _

I had a ring on my finger too- a gold one, and while though I knew men were never supposed to wear jewelry, I saw this as an exception because I didn't really want to have girls...looking at me that way.

The ones who wanted to do it behind their husband's back, or behind my supposed wife's back- I didn't really know how to fend them off.

I didn't like coming here that much because of this.

And especially the woman who lived right by me, in her mid twenties no less and single- she KNEW I wasn't married, since I didn't really know how to come up with a good enough story to fit her why my wife wasn't with me.

I was shopping for a tux today, and more clothes since I hadn't really brought much with me when coming here. I was also looking for "HELP" signs, because, well, I really needed a job- and while I had a lot of degrees in various fields, I didn't really want to sign a contract because I didn't know how long I'd actually spend staying here.

This area was too big for it's own good.

My life was moving pretty good actually, my thoughts about _her _had come to a minimum, financially I was okay- well, I was always okay, but faking where my money was coming from was becoming a bit harder. Saying that I had been a male model would have worked, except people wanted to know for who had I posed before.

Sick slts.

I didn't know what to do though, that was my biggest problem. I had to wait for quite a few years though, until well, _she _didn't exist anymore.

But I didn't want to think about that.

My life was going good- and I had proved to myself that I was able to exist without her, contrary to what I had thought before.

Things were good.

And hopefully, I thought, they'd get better.

_While looking through your old box of notes_

_I found those pictures _

_That you were looking for

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**Charlie's View

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I was with Bella right now.

I was always with her nowadays.

After all, what had happened to her _was _my fault.

Bella couldn't breathe by herself anymore.

She didn't eat.

She couldn't drink.

She could hear, see, talk and communicate just fine- but she didn't.

She chose not to.

I should have known though, I had told myself all through that first month. All those signs were pointing right to this. I had let her leave the house- I should have known better.

_If there's one memory I don't want to lose _

_That time at the mall _

_You and me in the dressing room _

Renee hated it.

This was the second time Bella was in a hospital now since she was with me.

The first time was when she ran away to Los Angeles.

The second time when she took her car out to drive.

Phil looked angry at me all the time,

blaming me for what had happened.

And he was right to, whether Renee wanted to admit it or not, this _was _my fault.

I didn't know what to do at that time- so there wasn't even a way to convey it.

"_Can we go to Jacksonville for awhile, just to visit Renee you know?"_

"_Daddy," she had once said, "are you having a baby?"_

I should have become suspicious then, I noticed. How she kept mentioning Jacksonville. How Edward had disappeared- he hadn't even come visit her.

How she once thought I was pregnant.

It all made sense now.

She was schizophrenic.

That, I guessed, was most likely the reason I had never understood her.

I should have guessed when Renee had told me she didn't have any friends in Phoenix.

And now, here, all she had was a boyfriend, who, I didn't even want to _know _was making her do.

Maybe, I thought, she hadn't been that 'good' this time, and so he left her.

That was good.

But the fact that she was in a hospital wasn't.

Bella had a coma.

That was the real truth.

We hadn't told anyone in Forks, but had just left.

The Cullen doctor knew, and he had graciously transferred her to Jacksonville, where she wanted to be.

He had told me that he didn't know what the issue was, but whatever it could have been, that she should have gotten better within two weeks. And those two weeks were up over a month and a half ago.

I always knew he was incompetant.

Confused on what to do now, I laid my head back down, and went to sleep.

_I told myself I won't miss you _

_But I remembered _

_What it feels like beside you

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**Alice's View

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It killed me to know how Edward was.

The others didn't know of course, because they hadn't seen him in over two months- but me, I could regularly see him through my visions.

He was shopping right now.

I made sure not to show that I cared all that much though, by calling him every four or five days besides what I usually would have done, and call every day.

He was so stupid though.

Bella was in a freaking _hospital, _soon to be transferred to a _hospice._

And I knew the reason he wasn't coming back- because of me really.

No one else knew what had happened to Bella, or what was happening to Bella right now.

I knew that Carlisle knew about the comma, but as far as he knew, she was all better by now.

He should have known better.

And I didn't know what to do either.

Life had gotten so boring.

"_I really miss your hair in my face _

_And the way your innocence tastes _

_And I think you should know this _

_You deserve much better than me "_

My cell had begun ringing- 'Better Than Me' by Hinder.

Edward.

Flipping my cell open, I put it to my ear to hear the rush of the world-wide-known Alberta mall.

"What do you want Edward?" I asked, not knowing why he was calling.

"Just checking in," I could feel him smirking, "haven't talked to you in awhile."

"Really, Edward? Yesterday's considered quite a while."

"It is actually," I could see him nodding. "You can tell the future, and I need to know if there's been any change in my life."

"Oh," I remarked, startled. "Yeah, Kayla, I saw her making your bed- in well, red lingerie, and then polishing the frame on your bedside with you two on your wedding it looked like."

"Thank you Alice," he said, his tone montone (**that rhymes!)**. "How great your predictions can be."

"Your welcome," I enthused, snapping the phone shut.

So pathetic.

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**Edward's View

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_The bed I'm lying in is getting colder_

_Wish I never would've said it's over _

_And I can't pretend that _

_I won't think about you when I'm older _

I was coming back from the mall at this time, after just calling Alice.

She wasn't in all that happy of a mood nowadays.

Well, she never really was, so I suppose she was just fine as always.

I had gone to a temple though, a Bhuddist one- and it well, it had taught me something.

That right now, well, I was running.

And I couldn't hide.

Because there was no one looking.

No one cared.

It was just my selfishness getting the best of me.

_Cause we never really had our closure _

_This can't be the end _

And the Monk was right- the one visiting for the day.

It's our own selfish thoughts that make everything somehow or another circle around us, that make us think only of ourselves- why would anything doing with Bella leaving be because of me? I wondered.

All of this was ridiculous.

But the real reason I had called Alice,

it was to tell her that Edward Cullen was planning on making his move out of Forks permanent.

And well,

while I now knew that it wasn't because of me,

I knew going back would make me do something I'd later regret,

and make me learn something I wouldn't want to know,

and make me do, something I _would _want to do.

And what I wanted to do- I didn't even _know _what that was, though I knew I'd regret it.

Thus, Alberta began looking pretty nice to me.

_I really miss your hair in my face _

_And the way your innocence tastes _

_And I think you should know this _

_You deserve much better than me

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**Note: Just like Edward's running away from Forks, this guy in Hinder runs away from this girl because he doesn't think he's good enough for the girl, just like Edward doesn't think he's good enough for Bella, but unlike Edward, this guy DOES commit suicide(in the video)!!

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**REVIEW!**

**QUESTIONS- ASK!!**

**REVIEW THOUGH!!**


	11. Esme's Slip of Tongue

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They just soaked it all in.

And despite my condition, I could hear and talk to them just fine.

Except, of course, I heard them saying I was in a comma, and so everything I had been trying to tell them at one point, they couldn't hear. They didn't know, still.

They didn't understand.

I couldn't move, apparently. Being in a comma I _am _able to hear whatever others are saying, catch being they just can't hear me.

But everything was seriously like a huge swirl of pictures bobbing around. I saw Renee daily, Phil weekly. Charlie was having troubles with relocating his job for a year, but he still did come like once a month for a day or something.

I had just been relocated to this better area, I didn't know what it was called just yet, but _mi gosh, _they were so different than hospital!

Everyone seemed so much happier, and the color's- they just made my eyes spin!

I couldn't even recognize most of them- or see them anyway.

Alice was coming to visit today. She had come a few weeks ago as well, but right now it was morning, and Alice and the sun didn't get along very well.

But I was so bored most of the day, for there was nothing really to do. They had me strapped to the bed, with a _lot _of wires in my arms and two in my nose and these plug like things that felt like elastic on my stomach.

Despite it's comfortableness, I was unable to move it.

Honestly though, most of all I wanted _him _to visit, above anything else. I just wanted to _see _him at least one more time.

In this place, I had heard, they did everything the patients told them to do. And I had tried to tell my parents so many times, same with the nurses, but no one understood what I had been saying.

They still don't.

I was never sure whether or not Alice understood, because she always understands everything naturally, but when she was with me a month ago, she'd barely stayed for any length of time.

Renee had told me she was coming.

I really wanted Alice to bring him, because she'd be able to too. I hadn't heard from him, hadn't heard anything about him, and didn't even know if he'd found another girlfriend for himself yet.

I don't even know how long I have to spend here, or how long I've spent in such an enclosed area for quite some time.

Nights and days look almost identical- though I can recognize the light somewhat clearly.

And it was day right now, I knew, because there was a _lot _of light, meaning around 12ish time. There was a while before Alice would finally get here.

I went to sleep.

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I still didn't know what to do, whether or not to tell Edward that his fiancee was dying. He had moved away for good, he had told me that- Alberta being a good place to make a fresh start, he had said.

He didn't want the rest of us to join him either, or really visit.

I had respected that. He still called periodically, but they had been less and less frequent. According to him, the picture I'd seen of him and his neighbor Kayla with them getting married had finally happened.

And he thought I'd believe it too.

Such an idiot he was.

But I had to call him, and well, I knew I had to do it now before Bella died.

He had to know.

Picking up the phone abruptly, and punching in his #, I held my breath as I heard the phone ring.

_Once._

_Twice._

_Thrice._

"_Beep: Leave your message after my own."_

"Call me later," I said, saying it fast and shutting down the phone before I said something too stupid, or he ironically enough, picked up.

"Hello?"

I heard coming from the other end. "Alice? Hold on a sec.," he said, and quickly put the recording off.

_Damn, I swore to myself._

"Why'd you call?" he asked, knowing it wasn't purely to check up on him. We had agreed that I'd only call him if something was happening- something urgent that was, or something that he needed to know or something like that.

"Edward," I breathed in, "I know you don't like this and all, but I want to tell you something in person, well actually, there's something you have to _see _in person first."

"What do you mean?" he asked, suddenly alert. "What happened?"

"Something I should have told you a long time ago," I said. "Come tomorrow. I'll see you then."

With that, I closed the phone, looked at the mirror, and tried to prepare what I wanted to say to him.

First, however, there was Bella, looking at me.

"Bella," I greeted her cheerfully when I saw her. "I can't stay long, I have something to attend to tomorrow," I said, "but hopefully after that, you'll know what my problem was."

Her eyes rolled up and down, a 'yes' for her.

"Thanks," I breathed in deeply, and took my place at her bedside. I'd be taking a two A.M. Flight back, meaning I could only stay here for about 3 more hours, seeing how I'd arrived at night during the first place. Summer was always a time of disaster, you see, morning start at about 4: 28ish itself, and sun setting at 9: 13 P.M.ish, not a really great time for me.

Whenever I came to visit her, Bella just watched me, while I talked and told her everything current that was going on.

Current events was something I knew she was interested in too. And so I began briefing her on the Al Gore concert, "performing in Tokyo, Sydney, somewhere in New Jersey, London, and like four other places in the world!" I continued, exclaiming.

"And I was reading in the paper today that they were banning words like n-----**(in case anyone gets offended) **in cities like Detroit, and having huge funerals for it and everything! And..."I thought, trying to remember what else was currently happening on in the world that really, well, was anything near important. "Harry potter's coming out," I nearly shouted, suddenly remembering.

"It's called Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," I breathed in, "coming out in only a few days!" I can't believe I'd forgotten that much. "Someone's told me that Harry's _not _going to die, someone else has told me that Snape's going to kill Harry, just to prove a point or something, but-" I looked at her for reconfirmation that she liked this topic, just to periodically check to see if I wasn't boring her completely.

And again, her eyes rolled up and down for a nod.

I know that Bella used to read Harry Potter, it's like- even Esme did, which was saying something, for Esme had been around way before J.K. Rowling's time had taken around.

She reckoned that Dumbledore was still alive, which, as I had tried to make sense of her, he was _not. _But all the rumors I heard, quite a few of the contradicted each other and pointed toward Ron and Harry being Dumbledore from the future- although Ms. Rowling had stated that this was _not _true despite beliefs.

But looking at Bella again, I saw that she was still looking at me with rapt interest, and well, even though I knew she spent most of her day alone, doing basically nothing, and just being able to listen and all, it still shocked me that she cared what _I _had to say because I was just rambling so much.

I sighed, Bella had confused me from the beginning anyway- which I why I like Bella, and hope never to turn it into _liked _Bella, because I certainly wouldn't like that.

"And well," I finished, nodding my head and wondering what to say next. "Nothing's really going on at home either, we're all fine actually. Though it's gotten kind of dull since Rosalie and Emmett have left, Carlisle has his job, and Esme, Jasper and I were always the quiet bunch.

Turning to look at Bella, I saw her eyes roll when I mentioned the _me _part.

I laughed, knowing she had only done _for _my reaction.

But staying there, I realized there was still a lot more we needed to discuss...or really, _I _had to discuss. And I think we kept on it for quite a while too, since I when I looked down at my clock, it had said that I had less than 15 minutes to make it before my departure.

Thankful, I hadn't brought any luggage or anything- or even a car for that matter, I hugged and kissed Bella despite her...restrictions, for a word anyway, waved goodbye, and left.

"Hopefully," I said, still waving, "I'll see you soon."

_And hopefully, I muttered to myself, it won't be for some sappy I-screwed-up-in-telling-Edward-thing_.

And at almost 5 in the morning, I had reached home, only to find a most furious Edward waiting on the porch.

And behind him, I saw even a worse Esme, mouthing a 'sorry' with her lips.

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**Note: Two months you guys, I KNOW!!**

**I'm SO FREAKING SORRY!!**

**But believe me, there are even MORE stories I have to update before I can come here, but reviews are starting to drop too- and I think that was one of the reasons I wasn't rushing to update anytime soon on this.**

**But seriously, REVIEW!!**


	12. Glorious Morning Light

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"Um, Edward," I said, "I can explain why I didn't tell you."

"You can explain to me why I'm come to visit you from Alberta, and find out from Esme- and that was by her slip too- that Bella's been in a coma for the past _two and a half months! _Why didn't you tell me before?"

He was yelling, unlawfully loud as well.

"Shut the-" I tri-

"I asked her to _marry _me, then she went all psycho and left me, and you've been by her, dancing at her bedside for _two and a half months! _I tried to get my life to move past her, moved to Alberta- tried to avoid your thoughts about her altogether, and so I come, and find out that you've all known that Bella's been an _inch _from death for the past freaking _two and a half months!"_

"I tried to tell you, I really did. I'm so-"

"_Sorry?" _He yelled, "sorry for not telling me? _Nothing _can _ever _make up for this Alice, that was _not _even _close_ to funny."

"Just SHUT THE HELL up, Edward," I shouted, close to tears. "I wanted to tell you, but YOU were the one who wanted to distance yourself from her. _You're _the one who wanted to leave us, and didn't even bother _calling _half the time. You just LEFT us Edward, and you expect me to do NOTHING about it? What the HELL did you expect me to do?"

He was quite for a few moments, walking back and forth, hands on his hips. "What do I do now?" he asked, looking up at me for guidance- support, whatever it was, really.

The bit of anger he had, had finally disappeared- most of it anyway. Now it was directed at himself, I think.

"You're right," he said, nodding his head. "It was stupid for me to yell at you, it is my fault..."

I didn't listen to what else he was saying since I was _shocked _to hear him say that _this _quickly. How had he changed so quick?

He was just _yelling _at me, and now it seemed as though he was doing it to himself. I didn't get what was going on.

"What happened in Alberta, Edward?" I asked, concerned, looking up to him. I thought this to be the only answer to his weird behavior.

"Nothing, nothing," he shook his head, barely listening to what I was saying. He was talking to himself for a while now...

"What do you want to do then, Edward?" I asked. "Do you want to go see her, or what do you want?"

"Where is she?" He asked. "Esme doesn't know that- she just knows she was somewhere in the south last."

Something hit me then, he didn't know everything. I didn't even have to ask how much he knew- he read it from me, and began talking.

"Esme only knew that she was being transferred in the south- somewhere near Florida-, and that she's been in a coma ever since I left. What else do I not know?"

I was careful not to let my thoughts wander, he didn't need to anything else. If _this _was what was happening to him now, I didn't want to imagine what would happen if he knew-

I didn't even think it, stopping myself before he knew.

"What are you not telling me?" He started, alert, his nostrils flaring. "What else is there?"

"Edward," I began, backing up, little by little. "I don't think you want to know. _You're _the one who said you wanted to leave, and now that she's somewhere you can't find her, why are you chasing after her? Why did you just leave her, if you say you claim you care about her so much?"

"Just tell me Alice," he begged, moving right in front of me now. "I swear I won't get mad...to much anyway."

"Well, Edward," I cautioned him, "either you leave her life completely after this, or you're by her side all through this. It's your choice."

"Just tell me," he begged once again. "Let me decide from there."

Getting ready to run, and not wanting to see his emotions, I readied myself. "She's dying, Edward. Really soon. She's in this hospice where Renee lives."

Taking a quick glance- dashingly really- I saw his face crumple, and ran, knowing that it would scar me forever.

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I watched him from the house, thankful that I wasn't him and able to read emotions. I didn't want to hear what he was going through, and I knew, that even if I did, that I would never understand it.

I knew he loved her, more than anything as well, and what was happening to him, I knew I couldn't deal with it. He loved her _so _much, and who was I to try to get in the way of that?

I let my thoughts wander when he had come in, thinking that he already knew what had happened to Bella.

And now I didn't know what to do. It was confusing, more than anything.

I'd seen Edward lost only once before, when he had come back to Carlisle after ten years, saying he had seen that what he was doing was wrong. That he still had humanity in him, like Carlisle had. Like Carlisle had helped me get.

I knew I couldn't get Carlisle to come over anytime soon though, they were making him do a conference on the vascular system in some college in Toronto.

He had decided that it was time for him to go somewhere, at last, after the hospital endlessly nagging him to do something.

He was their star surgeon after all.

Quietly, I found some cloths, and I wet them, with cool, distilled water, bringing them outside.

"Edward," I said, looking to him. He was still on the porch, sitting, by himself. Shaking his head, he looked exactly like he once had.

I remember Carlisle hadn't been there at that time either.

Funny, I pondered, how Carlisle disappeared at these type of moments.

He had finally tracked where Carlisle lived, and had come to find me setting up some new decorations. After all his journeying, and when he had wanted to find Carlisle and apologize, instead he had come upon a new member of the one-person household, changing everything.

This time, he had come to meet Alice, met me instead once again, and found out something that was going to damage him for life.

Alice hadn't even told me that Bella was dying. I could only assume that she had just found out.

Getting nearer, and nearer to him, I knew he wasn't even noticing that I was even there, until I sat down beside him, and started removing his hands from his face- he didn't even protest.

His cheeks seemed as though they'd been sucked in, and his skin, it had gone paler than what I'd seen it as before. It was disturbing me, really, for he just seemed rigid, stiff- broken.

Putting the rags to his forehead, and moving one of his hands to hold the cloth, to keep it from shaking, too much anyway.

"What are you going to do?" I asked him, scared to hear his voice. "What do you think is right?"

It seemed like hours to me, and perhaps it even was, but I found the time to not be boring, and just watched him, curiously.

I had watched him like this once before as well.

Finally, he seemed to respond, taking the cloth- which didn't affect him at all, really, but was just there for comfort- and put it into his lap. "I think I'll leave her," he said, "for really, really good this time. Most likely she'll recover. People from hospices usually don't end up dying- and how bad can a coma be?" He asked, laughing bitterly.

"People kill themselves, you know," I talked slowly, playing with his fingers. "If they regret something they did, that's how most people end up staying in coma's for so long. Their mind wanders, endlessly really, and they don't know what to do. They're lost, Edward," I tried to explain to him. "Just like you're lost now, just like you were once before. You can-"

He didn't let me finish. "She regrets meeting me, Esme," he scoffed, the tone in his voice irreversible, "more than anything. Even you can't say no to that. She's dying because she came to meet me. She regrets everything that happened. She regrets it all. She didn't even remember who I was for one of the longest of times, and just left me one day. Why do you put this on her," he asked, "when the blame clearly lies on me. It was my fault that-"

I didn't let him continue, but instead, began to recite.

"_By the growing brightness of morning._

"_And the night when it covers everything in calm_

"_Your Lord didn't forsake you, nor was he displeased_

"_Every following hour, is better than it's former_

"_And soon you'll be bestowed so much, you'll be well above pleased_

"_Didn't he find you an orphan, and give you shelter?_

"_And he found you lost in his love, so he guided you_

"_And he found you needy, so he made you rich_

"_So don't be harsh on any orphan, or anyone alone_

"_And if one begs, chide him not_

"_And always be thankful for what you have."_

"Where's that from?" I asked him, hoping he would remember.

"The Koran," he answered, "but I don't know why it's relevant."

He knew not to distract me when I talked about faith.

"It's morning Edward, for one thing, " I began. "And when it's night, everything's fine. And it's talking about _you _Edward, about how your life was bad before, and how it keeps getting better. About how you get happier all the time. Carlisle found you alone, so he gave you shelter. You were lost, and so you were guided, needy and then rich. And are you thankful Edward, for everything that you have? _That's _your problem.

"Bella's _alone _now, she wanted something _so _bad from you, and yet you left her, all those times. Every girl wants the boy to come running after her," I tried to explain to him, in the simplest terms I knew, so that he would understand. "I _saw _you, you ran _away _from her. And even though I know you don't believe in any religion or anything, Edward, you see that _you're _mentioned here, and you see that it's morning right now," I tried to hint, "_and by night, it can all be better."_

He was silent then, for a few moments. "Why did you recite that to me," he asked, looking up to meet my face for the first time. And his eyes, they had turned to silver, and I realized- _the exact same color as before._

"I was just reading this Edward," I said, "and it's advise. Whether it's from a religious book, or whether it's from someone's mouth, it's all _your _choice in the end. What you do, it's up to _you. _What happens to _her," _I began to speak softly, "that all lies in _your _hands. It's what she wanted Edward, more than anything. For you to change her. And I bet, even if you don't, that Alice will- you know she will. It's your choice Edward, either you take the risk, or she'll die- either because Alice won't be able to control herself, or Alice won't bother at all."

"What do I _do, _Esme?" he asked once again, his eyes slowly coming back to focus. "What happens _now?"_

"You do," I whispered, putting my hand on his heart, "what it tells you to do. And if you listen to this,"- I hit his head, "you'll only be lost. And if you think too much over it, you'll never have the courage."

With that final line, I left him to think about it over himself, hearing a faint, "_Thank you," _as I left, his voice a lot clearer now.

He had obviously made his mind, I knew, and he was, I smiled, finally going to change her.

Five minutes later, I called out to him.

"Plane leaves in half an hour."

He was gone before I went to give him his bags.

* * *

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